One of the things that make me feel like a grown-ass adult is having a box of sensual goodies reserved only for sexy times in my bedside drawer.

It’s kind of amazing to own things whose pure function in life is to bring you pleasure, and it feels pretty awesome when you are getting down with someone and can pull out a bunch of toys to make it even better. I think every adult of every gender, in a relationship or not, should have a “pleasure chest” at the ready to spice up and enhance any encounter – whether with yourself or someone else.

When you’re first building your collection, it can be overwhelming to try and figure out where to start. Here are the essential building blocks of your toy collection and the things that you should keep within reach, no matter how large your collection grows.

Contraception

Condoms, dental dams, birth control pills, whatever you use – some sort of protection.

Having it close means you’re more likely to use it, especially when you have to reach past it for your other treats and goodies.

Lube 

Something basic: if you require some additional slickness, enjoy anal, need a little extra something for tit or hand jobs, or if you’re flying solo and don’t want to waste any time. Get something tingly or otherwise for fun! I’m a fan of Honey Bear Lube ($13.95 at Smitten) – it comes in a cute bottle and is a good, solid, basic, non-sticky water-based lube.

Something flavoured

Even if your partner(s) doesn’t mind you au naturale, throwing a little flavoured business  somewhere you know their mouth is going to be can be a fun surprise.

In my box of fun is Kama Sutra Kissable Lube ($17.95 at Smitten) for a subtle flavour with no sticky residue. Nipple Nibblers ($6.95 at Smitten) are also a favourite and can be used anywhere on your body – they even have a bit of menthol mixed in to give you a cooling sensation.

Something that vibrates

A little bullet vibe can be great for getting yourself off quick if you have a clitoris, but is also fun and non-threatening with a partner, too. Applying a bit of vibration on the clit, balls, perineum, or nipples can be just the thing you need to take it to the next level.

The Muse ($73.20 at Smitten) is amazing and has VIP status in my books because of its two-pronged “ears” that can sit on either side of a clit for the most unbelievable and unique sensation.

Something kinky

Even if it’s just mildly kinky, it is nice to have something that can really take you out of your routine for those nights—or mornings, or afternoons—when you want a little pain with your pleasure, or a little surrender (or domination).

A great starter item is bondage tape ($9.95 from Smitten) because it’s low commitment and super fun to play with, as well as very safe! It sticks to itself and not your skin, so if handcuffs or other bondage tools are scary for you this is a non-threatening option. If you want something a little more intense, Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps ($16.95 from Smitten) are a great way to add a bit of gentle pain into your play and are awesome because you simply adjust the pressure by pulling on the strings attached to them and have a rippled rubber surface for a nice, soft squeeze.

Something for your butt

This isn’t something that everyone is into, but I think we all should at least be open to the idea or be aware that our partner might be. In case you or they are, having something for that scenario is a great idea. They can also help fulfill a double penetration fantasy, even if you’re just doing it with one partner.

For amateurs, a soft tapered set of anal beads is best to help you take it at your own pace. Make sure you pick something with a tapered end/retrieval mechanism – you have miles of intestines for that thing to get lost in, so make sure you can get it out. Perles D’Amour ($18.30 from Smitten) is the perfect, soft toy for butt beginners.

Cock rings

These are one of my favourite toys that I recommend to couples with a penis in the equation – they provide pleasure for both parties. Whether it’s the stackable Tower of Power ($9.95 from Smitten) or something vibrating, cock rings add a new sensation for the penetratee and add increased stamina and sensitivity for the penetrator.

Your favourite fancy dildo or penetrating toy

For couples who need a little help penetrating each other, a strap-on or strapless strap-on—that you wear inside you!—is what you’re going for here. For those of you who also think that your vagina or ass is worth a splurge – you are so right. Whether you’re keeping it on hand for yourself or letting someone else do the work, you deserve something fancy for your fun parts.

Jopen vibrators are the Cadillac of vibrators. Their Vanity vibes come in about every different shape you can imagine, are powerful, and have dual motors operated separately (internally and externally).

Toy cleaner

Just spray and wipe and you’re all good. There’s nothing like a good (bad?) yeast infection or UTI to put you out of commission for a week or two. Take care of your hygiene, yo!

You can confidentially submit a question or topic to jodie.m.w.layne@gmail.com.