My sister and I have always fought. That’s just the way it’s always been. In my years, I’ve seen siblings who coexist in peace, who always look so proud of each other and who are each other’s best friends. That’s me and my sister, but we can also be each other’s worst enemies.
Growing up as a sibling is hard. But growing up as an identical twin, is extremely hard. I grew up with the same face as my sister, the same friends, doing the same university degree, playing the same sport and ultimately sharing everything I own or had, which has left me with some bitter feelings and resentment.
When people treat me the same as my sister, I immediately think, “how would you like it if that was done to you?” An example of this is when, let’s say, someone is mad at one of us. Like clockwork, those emotions of anger usually point to the other twin too, which is ridiculous. How would you feel if I was mad at your sibling and decided to lump you into that anger because you happened to look alike?
Twins occupy a weird sibling dynamic that seems to cross the line when it comes to sharing. We share everything. Although I find that most siblings have to share some of their play items growing up or clothes when they get older, they don’t seem to share everything. Even though they share some things, the small or medium amounts that, in my opinion, become a point of contention that leads to fights growing up.
In my experience, people who don’t fight with their siblings are weird, like mythical creatures. Please tell me how you don’t fight. I need to know, I’m desperate.
I also find that siblings who are closer in age tend to fight more. There are more overlapping factors to fight about, for example, the car, clothes being stolen, food, friends and makeup. When you are closer in age, disputes seem to pop up more as opposed to having a larger age gap because you might not have all that much in common.
An article from the New York Times reported that “observational studies have shown that sibling conflict may happen up to eight times an hour.” However, another study by Mark Ethan Feinberg, a professor of health and human development at Pennsylvania State University found that “conflict does decrease into adolescence,” as “early and middle childhood are particularly difficult times for sibling aggression.”
For myself, it is the opposite.
Although I believe for most kids, early and middle childhood sibling rivalry is the hardest, I still find myself fighting with my sister more than ever due to unresolved issues from our childhood that have transferred over into adulthood.
Even though my sister and I have disagreements, we still love each other very much. So, I think it’s possible to still find that middle ground with your sibling. We must know when to pick and ignore battles. That makes the big difference within the sibling dynamic.
I think as we age, naturally, more boundaries between siblings are created. You leave home, get married or have kids, maybe. I think the fights just don’t matter as much anymore because paths naturally diverge, and you each live your own separate lives. My fights with my sister are usually about the most ridiculous things that won’t matter the next day. I believe having those sibling fights, no matter how big they seem at the moment, usually becomes a funny story or memory later on despite it not being so funny at the time. I imagine those fights will be something to laugh about in the years to come.
