Going Deep with Jodie Layne

Orgasms are awesome: Part 2

Last week we talked orgasms; what they are and why they are amazing for your health, and why they aren’t the most important thing when having sex. So how can you have an orgasm? What does it feel like? Read on, fearless pleasure-seekers, read on.

A common question is: “How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?”

Trust me – you will KNOW. Everyone experiences orgasm differently, so there is no one sensation or “symptom” that you have.

Universally, it can be said that cumming feels like a buildup of sexual tension that reaches its peak and then breaks, like a boiling kettle. For some people, this can lead to whole-body tingling or tingling in their extremities, shaking or trembling, increased heart rate, breathing heavy, ejaculation, or a throbbing feeling in the genitals. Although people can experience orgasm with few or none of these sensations, it is also typical for orgasm to not be experienced the same way every time.

While there are physical reasons you might not be able to experience orgasm (anorgasmia), there are also psychological barriers that keep the gates to pleasure locked. Things like stress, trauma, depression, substance abuse, or past sexual abuse can make it harder for you to cum. As well, sometimes the pressure to have an orgasm can alone be self-defeating.

If you have been trying to orgasm, try being a little less hard on yourself and enjoy the pleasurable sensations that trying to get there brings you. Try masturbating or having sex when you are fully mentally and physically relaxed. If you are still unable to orgasm and desire to experience The Big O, check in with a doctor.

Orgasms can occur with a partner or during solo play, so if you’ve never had one the good news is you don’t have to wait until next time you are getting it on with someone else to try and make it happen. Well—if you are reading this in a public place—please wait until you get home to give it a go.

Only 25 per cent of women* consistently orgasm during penetrative intercourse, which means that “P in V” sex is usually not enough to do it.

Self-pleasure is an amazing skill to have and important self-care because it increases your knowledge of your own body and what feels good. This way, if you are one of the 75 per cent of women who aren’t cumming during sex, you can help direct your partner to the places and techniques that get you feeling hot.

There are many erogenous zones on our bodies, but orgasm is achieved primarily by stimulation below the belt. For people with vaginas this means a combination of the clitoris, vulva, vagina, g-spot, or anus are particularly good areas to focus on if you are looking to cum. For people with penises the most sensitive areas are the penis, the testicles, the anus, and the prostate. People report that orgasm from stimulation of different body parts can feel different – a g-spot orgasm can feel much different than a clitoral orgasm or a prostate orgasm could be much different than a penile one.

Next week, I will wrap up my series on orgasms when we talk about multiple orgasms and ejaculation! Until then, have an orgasmic week.

*It is, unfortunately, best to assume studies like this are overwhelmingly hetero and cis-normative.

You can confidentially submit a question or topic to jodie.m.w.layne@gmail.com.