I loved you like the night loves the moon,

I loved you when it was dark, too.

You could not see me standing in the clear daylight while I loved your shadow too,

And I remember you from the day we met

The day I lost myself to you.

But love is supposed to make u feel like you won.

Like you already won the mountains and the sun.

Please try to rub your eyes and see me, I am still standing in the daylight waiting.

I can only love from afar; I love you without even seeing you,

Or knowing too much.

For your tired eyes tell me your story,

and my heart tells me they lie to you too,

They lie to you to when you smile and make yourself look like you are alright.

But to me you are so peaceful like the moon while I am scattered like the stars around you.

I do not even want to win the mountains and the sun. If you saw me, I already won.

 

My best friend says that she does not feel beautiful,

But I have never met anyone like her

Someone who could hear my same rants for a thousandth time

Someone who would let me know I have a shoulder if I get my heartbroken.

My voice cracks because I love her so much,

My voice cracks when a loser lets her down

Because I can hear her silence to me it’s loud

I was so wrong to think being the same blood mattered.

Because, when I think of her, I feel like I matter

I am still ashamed of myself for not being there everytime she cried

Even if we weren’t friends at that time

So, I always ended up hating timelines

I was deep down in a well and she rescued me

She does not know, she does not know what she did for me.

If you ask me what she means to me,

I would say everytime I  am proud of her for only existing, I’m proud of her for only breathing

And I’m proud of her for only being.

 

I am still In the same room

On the same floor

Under the same roof.

I could hear my laughter turn into a cry

I could feel my blood turn into water

And my voice turn into a chant.

A chant that I hear everytime I go to sleep.

Only to wake up restlessly.

And I see the faces of the people I loved

Turning into stone or melting like mold.

Just as my heart melted with the heat of hate and uncertainty.

I’m still angry that I’m still in the same room on the same page in the same air.

I could smell it everytime, I would cook the dish I once loved

I can sense everything as if it happening right now, everytime I pick myself up

But then I crawl as I get tired and lie down in my bed

Only to hear the chants repeat all over again

But I pick myself up

And yesterday I felt like someone else picked me up

I was so wrong,

Cause they dragged me to the same place where I did not want to go

But I still smile at them and I say thank you

Thank you for the care I felt even if was for a second or two

I overlooked and overloved that was all my fault

So I’m left on the same Floor

Of the same room

Whose roof is going to fall.

 

You are not 16 anymore

And the mean girl you knew from high school is now in the other part of the world.

you talk to her sometimes and realize

She was never angry or evil

Just miserable.

If only someone asked what happened to her at home

If only Someone asked her if she even had a mom

Then coming up with the same line that trauma makes u strong

But maybe it made her weak

So weak that she had to put you down to be able to feel seen

From sleeping in class to waking up night

U were never in her shoes so you have no right

No right to call her a failure when

The world failed her too,

She was good in sports money snatched away;

So she was only left with some digits in her mind.

She was just kid who needed love and time

But, labelling her was their favourite crime.