Revenge is best served hot. I’ve always been for revenge, especially if a group or an individual has wronged one of my friends or loved ones.

I have especially always been one to jump on the hate bandwagon. When someone has been evil to my friends or family, I will do my absolute best to annihilate, in the sense I will enact revenge where revenge is deserved.

One may say in another sense that I am indeed a “hater,” and you know what? I’m not. I’m a vigilante, keeping my circle safe from people who just generally suck.

Now that Valentine’s Day has rolled around, I feel as though I am the Scrooge of Valentine’s Day. As I walk through the hallways, I see couples holding hands, cuddling or, in general, just being lovey-dovey. I feel the need to run through these people’s interlocked hands at top speed to see their smiles crumble.

I have never claimed to be a morally righteous person. I often do the wrong thing. Much like how every article I write is about things that bother me instead of being an inspiring piece about “how you can do it.” Instead of writing those types of articles, I write articles about revenge, like this one.

Revenge is one of my favourite parts of life and if it’s done right, that’s the cherry on top. Now in terms of psychological warfare, one may say move on, “it’s no use getting angry over spilled milk.” Nay I say, take that hatred inside of you and level up.

Like when you see your ex, don’t just ignore them, do the ultimate power move and go up to them and talk to them to make them as uncomfortable as possible for hurting you in the past relationship.

Or when someone cuts you in line at the local thrift store, go back and just annihilate them in thrift finds. Really show them who’s boss.

When you read this article, you must be thinking that this girl hates couples, Valentine’s Day and likes revenge because she’s probably single. And you know what? You would be right. I do hate Valentine’s Day for two reasons — it is over-commercialized and I have no one to celebrate it with, except my trusty bottle of wine that never seems to fail me.

Rejection though in terms of relationships and Valentine’s Day is personal. Why would you put yourself out there when there are no guarantees it’s going to work out? People more often than not are evil and breakups can be pretty devastating and messy. Despite there being a sense and an inevitability of doom when it comes to relationships in my opinion, people still get in them searching for love within a society that is generally composed of some of the evillest individuals I have ever met.

Now being in a relationship doesn’t always equal doomsday. I just want to give the people reading this article possible revenge tactics if everything goes wrong.

Rule number one, for a revenge plan to work, never let them see you coming, let them think you are lying low then spring out of the woodwork and get revenge.

If they have you blocked on all forms of social media, show up on their barber’s or hairdresser’s Instagram, or if they say they never want to see you again, borrow their Ring doorbell, so they must see you.

According to Psychology Today, “seeking revenge is often an initial human response to wounds incurred at the hands of others. When focusing on revenge, we may be driven by a sense of rectifying whatever has caused pain. However, focusing on revenge is a distraction from fully experiencing the pain resulting from the offence. Ruminating about or acting on revenge involves a temporary orientation of our attention outward that competes with and overshadows our turning inward.”

Revenge is a toxic, repetitive cycle that doesn’t solve anything but creates a cycle of ignoring the problem and hoping it’ll lead to an emotional release instead of facing the problem head-on and coping in a healthy way.

Even though I recognize that revenge is a terrible way to go about things I also believe there are some situations where revenge is needed and that sometimes there is no use being the bigger person. Instead of letting the universe enact karma, sometimes you must do it yourself.

Please always go about revenge in a healthy way, never take it too far. I have a moral code when it comes to revenge: keep it safe for everyone, keep it friendly, never take it too far and always know when to let things go. I hope you enjoyed my article on revenge and use it wisely.