Have you ever had a partner or significant other who turned out to be downright diabolical? In my opinion, having an evil ex or someone you were interested in who turned out to be a loser is a rite of passage.
I’ve always sat and listened to my friends list out all the things they like about the person or someone they are talking to, saying things like, “he’s just so kind and thoughtful. He remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts and remembered to get me peanut-free cookies.” While I’m listening, I silently think to myself, “when did not killing you become something that makes you kind?”
In my experience, I fear that there is a specific group of people or a specific flavour of toxic men that exists at the U of M. I like to call them the Alpha Chad wannabes. This figurehead of existing as a “Chad” must meet a certain level of toxicity to embody what it truly means to be a “Chad.”
As I have observed, Chad usually has some level of rage problems, often punching holes in walls or blaming everyone but himself for creating issues in his life. Chad also must try to put no effort into dates or looking nice because why would you want to dress nice for a night out with you partner? And finally, Chad follows a slew of Instagram models that he claims he doesn’t know “how they got into his following section.” Also, somebody stole his phone overnight and decided to kindly return it the following business day, because why else would he be ignoring your messages?
The embodiment of the Chad mentality isn’t always a man in general, it’s just a person that makes the above personality traits their life mantra.
Others may have differing opinions, and they’re probably right. This article is based on my experience and listening to the experience that my friends went through with dating and or dating at the U of M.
One of the most unhinged experiences I’ve had the pleasure of listening to and now putting in this article is when my best friend was explaining how she was seeing a man from Asper and described how he was carless, jobless and had no aspirations in life but to be a pro gamer on Discord and how he was her soulmate and that she was so lucky she found him.
I remember distinctly replying, “Chad, who drives his mom’s minivan, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t want to do anything but sit in his mother’s basement and religiously eat hot Takis, is not your soulmate girl.”
One may ask why we accept the love we think we deserve. Well, that isn’t an easy answer to explain. Simply Psychology explains that “your early experiences determine the love you know, seek and believe you deserve. These experiences allow you to develop an image of yourself. This self-image reflects how you are perceived and treated by those around you.”
Your self-image directly links back to accepting the love you know isn’t good for you or attracting a partner you think is good for you but feel in your gut isn’t right.
I’ve always had a harsh opinion of partners that I know just aren’t good for my friends, and that’s to eliminate them from your life. Harsh, I know, but very efficient.
In high school I would hear my friends say, “he’s just so attractive and dreamy,” and I’d sit there thinking, “are we talking about the same person? Because I see a teardown and rescue operation.”
I would like to state for the men or individuals reading this who do this, buying those microwavable dinners titled Hungry-man and eating them religiously on the floor of your apartment or mom’s basement is not a date! Google has some ideas, it’s not that hard.
I always return to one question, why do we date people we know are bad for us? Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests states, “‘Saviors’ often have hero complexes; they believe their love can help someone or change them for the better. Second, dating a person who has problems is, oddly, a safer choice, in the sense that if this person leaves you, it will still hurt but you can save face by blaming it on their addiction, bad relationship history or whatever their issue is.”
I’d like to finish this article with the following thoughts — you are not mysterious and misunderstood if you act poorly and hang out smoking under a bridge. Just because you have a car doesn’t mean you should drift it in a parking lot to impress your partner or decide to text while driving. Want to know what is impressive? Driving safely. And finally, drinking alcohol every other day and claiming, “this is what all college students do,” will not attract a partner. Get off the alcohol pacifier and stop partying. You need sleep, not more shots.
