I generally think resolutions are stupid: we all pledge some variation of the same vague things we think we should be doing to be a more acceptable version of a human being.

We’re going to “eat better,” “work out more,” “do better at school,” and “be a better girlfriend/boyfriend/partner.” Sure, these are okay things to wish for – but they didn’t work for you last year or the year before that. You were sick of lettuce by the following week, you let your gym membership lapse, chants of “Cs get degrees” could be heard coming out of your mouth, and you missed your partner’s family’s last Sunday brunch.

I’m here to help you make resolutions you might actually keep, so you can start respecting yourself again, for crying out loud. These resolutions are for you, whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, or in relationships. The best part is that I don’t expect you to do all of them all of the time. Just give a few of ‘em a shot at least once – or twice, if you really like them. Some of these are inspired by my very own sexual agenda for 2014, so I’m not just telling you to do weird shit and secretly laughing at you, I promise.

Have less sex

I promise this isn’t a trick – a sex columnist telling you to have less sex. The caveat here is to replace regular old manual or oral stimulation and penetration with other sensual and physically intimate activities. Find ways to stimulate yourself and/or your partner(s) without putting parts into other parts. It’s easy to fall into sexual patterns, so slowing down to explore sensuality in different ways is a good idea.

Get over your fear of “dirty talk”

There is a lot of silly-sounding dialogue in mainstream porn. I totally get it if you’re scared to open your mouth to do more than make a little noise. Dirty talk can be ridiculously hot and turn good sex into really great sex. If you’re a newbie, just start by being honest and obvious: “That feels so good,” “I want you to ____” “You/your ____ are/is really hot,” or just a simple, “I’m going to cum,” engage your audible senses in sex and can turn on your partner and you!

Make a budget… for porn

STOP ONLY WATCHING FREE PORN. Support real couples, queer performers, and indie sites by paying for content every now and again. Sites like Cherrystems, The Crash Pad Series, and Make Love Not Porn are alternatives to your usual hump, pump, and moan. With prices as low as five dollars for a three-week rental, you can definitely indulge at least a few times in 2014.

Get STI-tested frequently

If you’re sexually active, you should be tested every six months. Period. It’s not the end of the world to have an STI, but you need to know. Many infections don’t have symptoms and many take months to actually show up on a test. Even if you’re in a relationship, I beg of you: get tested.

 

You can confidentially submit a question or topic to jodie.m.w.layne@gmail.com.

Sponsored in part by: https://buffedd.com/reviews/penomet/