Dear Kara,

I’m a student at the U of W and I’ve never been on a date or kissed a girl before. I am very quiet, a bit anxious and avoidant in general, and I also spend all my time at home. I’d like to go on a date with someone one day, but I have a very hard time with noise and crowds in public places, as well as meeting new people. I fear my inexperience will be a detriment should I find someone to be with. What should I do if this happens?

-UWLoner (23)

Hi there!

I am more than familiar with anxiety, it’s a personal struggle and acknowledging it is the first step to dealing with it. The more you are aware of how your actions affect building relationships, the better you will get at dating in general.

The wonderful thing about dating these days is that you are totally allowed to use the Internet to build relationships — everyone does it! Maybe you will find chatting with someone online a better way to break the ice than going for coffee. This way you can open up to the person you want to date before really even dating them. Tell them that you are inexperienced and that you have anxiety issues, a good partner will understand and appreciate the heads up. Communication is key, and you really don’t want to waste your time on people who are weirded out by feelings anyway.

Also keep in mind that dating is a trial and error thing, having one “true love” is something that pretty much only happens in movies. There is a good chance that the first relationship you have will fail, and that’s okay. I’m only 24 and I’m “in love” for probably the tenth time in my life. The only way you get experience at anything is by trying and doing it.

Love, Kara

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