I just had such a good idea

Attention everyone! You guys! I have the best idea.

Oh, that? That is a half-empty bottle of Crème de Menthe. Or half-full, am I right? It’s all about your attitude in life. That is something I have learned. That there is a lesson from me to you.

No, my incredible idea is not about getting pizza although . . . I could actually really go for some pizza right now. We must go to that place where they put the garlic on the crust and it’s really greasy but not too greasy. I need the garlic crust right now in my life and in my body. And chicken fingers! And sushi. What if there was chicken finger sushi? We could put that on the pizza!

Whoa now. Yes, I did almost fall out of my chair just now but it’s fine. I’m okay. I’m totally cool! As you can see, it is obviously not a very even floor.

Now, back to my amazing idea that I had in my brain. I just came up with it right now but I believe it will change the face of things pretty much permanently. I think it’s going to knock your socks off.

Hey, remember the night when we watched The Boondock Saints and I decided I was in love with Steve Buscemi? That was such a fun night. Do you remember? I love Steve Buscemi so much you guys — I love his little eyes. I wish he were here right now. I would tell him what a good job he did in Ghost World with Scarlett Johansson back before she got really blonde and married the guy from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. That was weird. That couple makes absolutely zero sense to me.

What do you mean that was Willem Dafoe? That was absolutely Steve Buscemi in The Boondock Saints. Fine. Google it, I don’t even care.

You guys! You guys! You guys! I love this song!

We should start a band! But with, like, only moogs. And it should be kind of reggae but also really old-school kind of hip hop. Totally. And I shall sing! I shall sing the most beautiful songs . . .

That actually wasn’t what I was talking about before though, when I was talking about my great idea. Stop interrupting me! You always interrupt me. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Please stop interrupting me. Ooh! We should call our band Captain Voodoo.

No! We should call it like, The Robert Downey Jr. Death Quartet, but there will be five of us.

Or, just Fishsticks. Write that down.

Excuse me, I just need a second — I just need . . . for a minute. I’m going to lean on this wall so don’t, like, startle me. I will have you know it’s not even that weird to mix up Steve Buscemi with Willem Dafoe — they are character actors who look alike. They are very, very similar. Barkeep!

Back to my idea. The only issue is, it will involve renting a car. A van. A couple of vans. Are you cool with that? This needs to be discussed first.