Top 10 trend tragedies for 2010

It seems like it was just August and it’s now 5 C, so it’s basically Thanksgiving, which means its practically Halloween, so it might as well be November, and that will fly, so it’s close to Christmas, which is technically New Year’s, which means 2010 is the day after tomorrow.

If I am 100 per cent correct, that is what your next 90 days are going to look like, sound like and seem like.

My reigning favourite list that is going to be released, in the next 90 days, aside from its competitors, namely the Christmas list, Oprah’s list of favourite things and the New Year’s day TV guide, is Style Magazine’s “What was in for ‘09 and out for ‘010 list” (excitement!). So, if I am as good at predicting as I was in the synopsis of your next 90 days, whether it deserves to be there or not (but they’re pretty deserving) here are 10 trends, I’m willing to bet my bank account, you’ve not only seen sported around campus, but will surely make the list as an unforgivable trend in 2010.

  1. Hippie head bands. I thought this was official before summer. I was wrong. The look died with Mischa Barton on The OC. I get that it took some time to catch on in Canada, thus we need to allot excess time before it fades — but according to my calculations, it has to be dying in Winnipeg by 2010.

  2. statuses. As mom always says, bragging is for boneheads. I don’t know if that was ever said, but nonetheless bragging is poor form. Besides, the Internet brag bar now has its own site, so if you’re that into statuses, get on, and off my homepage.

  3. Hipsters. My aunt has an American Apparel hoodie. Hipster-ness has gone mainstream. Hell froze, pigs are flying. It’s over. Paint your nails black, listen to MGMT one last time and then give all of your clothes back to Value Village.

  4. Ray Ban wayfarers. I know you paid like 100 bucks for yours at Hakim Optical, but I got mine at Aldo, and she got hers at Old Navy, and he got his at Dollarama. I’ve always said once is funny, twice is enough. Enough Wayfarers.

  5. The Mac Polaroid “app.” In case you are unfamiliar, it is a “drag and drop” image maker that turns plain old ordinary photos into ones that resemble that of a Polaroid. I can’t take credit for this one but my dear trend-conscious friend Emily told me “it’s passé.” So we trust her.

  6. Changing your Facebook name to solely your first name and middle name. This one spread like wild fire, and now it’s time to snuff it. Are all the cool kids really doing it? Or are they just trying too hard again?

  7. Pashmina scarves. I know we live in the sub-Antarctic, and we have all discovered the dual insulating and accessorizing convenience of the scarf. But therein lies the problem, we have all discovered it. So excuses aside, if it is not worn in the name of warmth or pneumonia, in 2010 we want to see your neck!

  8. Smoking. It came, it went, it came, it went, naturally it came again, naturally it kills, good news — naturally it should be on its way out.

  9. The side braid. I realize and applaud the practicality of braids. An instant hairdo, great for hair off the face, hiding uncooperative bangs, or jazzing up no bangs. But the braid, like its cousin the chain, has created a chain reaction, and now you look like every other girl with your side braid. Bag the braid.

  10. Fake glasses. I realize this trend should (fingers crossed) die under the hipster category, but for fear it won’t, I best be thorough. They’re not helping farsightedness or fashion. False four eyes? I’ll forgive, if you forget it.

I look forward to making hippie headband-Facebook status-middle name boasting-pashmina-wayfarer-side braid-hipster-smoke free friends in 2010.