The only way to avoid the crushing moment-to-moment parade of utter hopelessness that is “life” is to give up now. Believe me, it is beautiful relief to lie prone, on the floor, detached and...

“Yacht rock.” “No Wave.” “Late-Baroque contrapunctual Galante.” “Miami Booty Bass.” People – usually non-musicians – seem to possess a near-militant will to categorize music into genres. And while such labels might provide...

Though many film-goers bemoan the deadening lack of originality in mainstream cinema, only a few bother to seek out alternatives. Sure, fare like the independent short film can sometimes seem too wildly experimental, arty...

Recently, I hosted a dinner party at my country estate with many of my closest cohorts and familiars. The entire affair was, of course, un-fucking-bearable, due to my deep, internalized contempt for all those...

This year marks the 1,015th anniversary of the Christian invasion and forcible conversion of pagan Norway, and what better way to celebrate this ancient injustice than by taking in a documentary about its most...

Hey there, Know-It-All. What's better than knowing it all? The answer (which you know, of course) is “nothing.” There is nothing better than being the biggest, baddest brain in the room. Nothing better than...

Like most people who lack the intellectual capacity for nuanced thought, I love a sweeping statement. The huger the better. Indeed, most of my utterances consist entirely of a single noun followed by either...