If rape and other abuse allegations ruin men’s lives, why is Donald Trump the president of America?
Deep systemic issues are to blame, but I believe the general public is not using their power to their fullest extent. We are not at fault for this system, and it is not fair that we should have to fight against institutionalized patriarchy, but no one else is going to do it for us.
In the fight against fascism, we must pay attention to the erosion of women’s rights, and we must reevaluate what we consider small issues.
I would like to acknowledge that not all abusers are men, and not all victims of abuse are women. All stories of abuse deserve to be heard and brought to justice. The focus going forward will be on abusers who are men and victims who are women because my purpose is to point out and challenge patriarchal systems of power and the patterns of misogynistic violence they cultivate.
Alleged and liable abusive men are not limited to the U.S. government, or the U.S. at all. They can be found starring in Hollywood blockbusters, performing at sold-out stadium concerts, running billion-dollar companies and living in regular households across the globe. While a famous abuser is no more contemptible than a non-famous abuser, a famous man has more power. Not only does he have more power over and access to potentially vulnerable women, he also has a greater cultural impact. Standing by your buddy with abuse allegations impacts his victim and people in your circle, but supporting an abusive public figure online has an even larger ripple effect in normalizing violence against women.
I believe that small choices matter a great deal, and you do not have to justify or defend someone from accusations of abuse to be contributing to the normalization of brutality against women. When supporting the career of a man you know to be abusive by seeing his movies, streaming his music, watching his fights and so on, you are aiding the normalization of abusive men holding positions of power and losing nothing. Abusive men could not become presidents if our culture did not allow abusive men to be famous and successful in general.
You might be shaking your head and thinking that you would never support an abusive man, but I am willing to bet most people reading this make exceptions for certain people, or try not to think about it when they are really interested in something an abusive man is involved in. You might say, “Yeah, I hate that guy, but I really want to see this movie,” or, “I know he sucks but his music is just so good,” or, “Separate the art from the artist, though!”
That last sentiment is particularly common, and I would really like to challenge it. Can you separate these things when supporting an abusive man’s art means giving them, and the culture of abuse, more power? Are you really saying that abuse is something you are willing to look past for the sake of good entertainment? Abusive men can make good art, that does not mean it is worth supporting.
Earlier I said misogyny in society is not ordinary people’s fault, and that is true. We did not put it there originally, but that does not mean we do not contribute to it or that we have no power over it. You cannot sell a product if no one is buying it. If someone is famous, it is because they have fans. The fans of abusive men are not only people who condone their actions, they are also so often people who look past their actions for the sake of enjoying something else they do. This dynamic implicates us, but it also empowers us. If we have the ability to give these men power, we also have the ability to take it away.
Anything you do contributes one way or the other, there is no such thing as neutrality here. Silence about abuse only condones and enables it, especially when your silence is paired with guilty pleasure. Maybe you are not silent, and you speak out against a man while also indulging in his career. Is that any better? Is it easy for you to watch an abusive man succeed? How much has the success of abusive men been normalized in your mind?
I am not asking anyone to throw out their music and merch right this instant (although I would not discourage you), I am simply asking you to think about what you are supporting when you support someone with a history of abuse. I am asking you to make an effort to reject the endeavours of abusive public (and private) figures and make no exceptions.
I do not believe we are all helpless individuals just doing our best under late-stage capitalism. We are all part of collectives of people making the same choices as us, and these collectives have great impacts. If you are told you could be doing better and your first instinct is to make excuses, it might be time to take a step back and look inward.
We are all guilty of feeling defensive sometimes, myself included, because it is hard to care and even harder to do something about it. However, I have come to realize our goal should always be to do a little better everyday, not to justify what we are already doing or not doing. Not everyone is equally able to contribute to social change, but most people are not stuck at the absolute apex of their ability. We are all learning and unlearning constantly, and we must commit ourselves to this.
Guilt can be paralyzing or push people to feel defensive, so that is not my goal with this article. You have to be gentle with yourself, but not so gentle that you never let yourself be pushed toward changing for the better. Change is hard, but being stuck in this world because we are so afraid of change is much harder.
