For students, leaving home for college or university can mean independence, new routines and a major change in everyday life. But on the other side of that move are parents and caregivers adjusting to a home that suddenly looks and feels different.
Corey Mackenzie, a U of M department of psychology professor, adjunct professor of psychiatry and research affiliate with the Centre on Aging, said the “empty nest” is not limited to children leaving for post-secondary education. It can describe the transition whenever children leave home for the first time.
“[Empty nest] is a metaphor of the mother bird whose chicks are old enough to fly out of the nest and fend for themselves,” Mackenzie said. “It’s a useful metaphor because it frames this as a natural transition for parents, rather than a problem,” he highlighted.
After roughly two decades of being closely involved in their children’s daily lives, parents may find themselves taking a less direct role, Mackenzie explained. Research on “empty nests” suggests that parents experience this transition in different ways. Mackenzie pointed out two ways researchers understand the transition — role loss and role strain relief.
Role loss happens when the parental role is “a central part of their identity,” but becomes less prominent as children leaves home, Mackenzie explained. Having a child leave can then bring “sadness, worry [or] loneliness.” “On the other hand, role strain relief refers to the fact that parenting is a very difficult, stressful and demanding task,” he added. So, children leaving home may give parents more time for relationships, interests and activities that received less attention while raising children.
Research supports this mixed picture. A 2024 Communications Psychology article reviewing research on the empty nest period found that some parents experience reduced well-being because of role loss, while others benefit from reduced parenting strain and opportunities for greater social engagement. The term “empty nest syndrome,” therefore, does not necessarily mean something has gone wrong.
Parents may also worry about how their children will manage independently. They have spent years preparing their children to live on their own, but moving out means parents can no longer immediately step in when difficulties arise.
How families experience the transition can also depend on culture and the parent-child relationship. Mackenzie noted that expectations of continued family involvement in collectivist cultures may make the transition different from families with more individualistic expectations. Scholarly research also found that cultural norms around family roles, independence and social relationships can influence loneliness and well-being during the empty-nest period.
For families preparing for the transition, Mackenzie recommended discussing what the relationship should look like after the child moves out.
“My suggestion for families who are going through this or anticipating it, is to have open and honest conversations about expectations on both sides — parental expectations for how the relationship will ideally look, as well as expectations on the part of kids,” he said. He noted that such expectations may differ and change over time, making communication an ongoing process rather than a single conversation.
Parents can also use the transition to consider what they want from the next stage of their own lives. Mackenzie highlighted social connection as one area to consider because parenting responsibilities can leave less time for other relationships. But there is no single routine that will work for everyone. Instead, he encouraged parents to consider activities and relationships that align with their own values.
Feeling sad when a child leaves does not automatically mean a parent needs professional help. “We hurt in the places that matter,” Mackenzie said, explaining that sadness can reflect how meaningful parenting has been in someone’s life.
He said parents should have room to experience that grief without automatically treating it as a mental health problem. However, professional support may be appropriate when distress begins interfering with daily functioning, like difficulty in to getting out of bed, working or complete everyday responsibilities.
Ultimately, there is no standard emotional response to watching a child leave home. Mackenzie said factors including family relationships, culture, gender roles and where the child is moving can all influence the experience. For parents facing an unusually quiet home this back-to-school season, adjustment may simply take time.
“Most of us don’t like change and need some time to adjust to changes that do take place,” Mackenzie said.
