Dear Jodie,

In the past couple years I’ve developed the ability to have “wet dreams.” I wake myself up having an involuntary orgasm, sometimes sans sex dream. It’s made for some awkward sleepovers but, trust me, I ain’t mad about it! 

Sometimes I have a hard time masturbating because I need to have some mental imagery, but my mind wanders and the majority of porn makes me feel uncomfortable from a feminist point of view. I am of the mind that orgasms are like eating: a girl’s gotta eat! However—this is probably my socialization talking—is this something I should be embarrassed about or ashamed of? It’s okay when sleeping solo but when I’m sharing a bed with a lover or platonic friend I feel like maybe I’m gross. 

I guess if I were sleeping next to a guy and he had a wet dream I would be freaked – granted mine are less messy, just loud. Am I the only one?! Is it socially taboo or can I ask for high fives?

Signed,

Liquid Dreams is Not Just an O-Town Song

 

Oh, girl: you are not alone and I am way jealous that you have them so frequently. Ten high fives for you, most definitely!

While a much higher percentage of men and boys experience nocturnal orgasms than women and girls, Alfred Kinsey discovered that 40 per cent of women do experience being woken up to some vaginal secretions and the perception of orgasms. The fact that this is seldom discussed as a bodily function for people with vaginas doesn’t make it any less real or common. Since female ejaculation is less common—and a lot of women haven’t experienced an orgasm before—many may not even be aware that they actually had a wet dream and not just warm fuzzy feelings.

I think it’s definitely at least part of your socialization talking that you’re nervous about exposing your awesome dreams – women reaching orgasm of their own accord is still something we don’t really talk about. Part of it just seems like being considerate to someone you might be sharing a bed with. Albeit, our wet dreams are less messy, but I think it’s good manners to give people a heads-up that you might be a little noisy.

Don’t be embarrassed but maybe warn potential sleepover partners that you have some sexy dreams. Let them know it’s nothing personal and that you’re not being a creep. You can joke about it or just be straightforward – whatever makes you feel more comfortable.

There’s nothing you can do, so enjoy it! Our bodies are so amazing and you’re really lucky yours is taking care of your orgasms for you.

You can confidentially submit a question or topic to jodie.m.w.layne@gmail.com.