Kara,

I told my girlfriend that it’s okay if she wants to get with other girls during our relationship (since I’m a guy, I figure it’s different and I can’t give her what she’s looking for). I don’t consider it cheating if it’s with another girl, but I do if it’s with another guy. My friend called me sexist because of this, am I?

– Anonymous (26)

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Hi there!
Setting boundaries in any relationship is important. Some people might be okay with your openness, some people might not be. Consider as well, is it okay that your girlfriend has sex with people that identify as female? Or is it only vulva-bearing people that you allow? Is the opposite allowed as well, are you allowed to get with other guys?

This set up can definitely be seen as sexist. Lesbians are notoriously written off by men and lesbianism often not considered a real sexuality (this is probably because of pornography and the way lesbians are portrayed as sexual deviants who often have group sex with one man).

Do you consider sex between women legitimate sex? Or are you maybe hoping to play out a fantasy of having a threesome with two women? Depending on your answers to these questions your intent could be sexist.

Don’t forget to check out the Ask Kara blog at askkara.tumblr.com!