Stress is something all students suffer from, with varying degrees. We go about dealing with stress in equally different ways; however, many students find that a little drinking and partying is a quick and easy cure. The same applies to a lot of drinking and partying. Enter the Four Loko.
Two weeks ago I visited a friend in Washington, Pennsylvania — basically couch surfing on her campus. I needed an escape and to just get out of Winnipeg and let’s just say students down there know how to party. It was here that I was introduced to Four Loko, which quickly became key to my distressing voyage.
Some of you readers out there may have heard of this beverage as it has been in the media eye for the past few weeks, even going as far as to grace CNN with an appearance. The reason? A Four Loko is a large beverage with an equally large caffeine and alcohol content, which in the hands of irresponsible drinkers is quite deadly.
The moment you crack one of these colourful cans you are greeted with a cheery fizzing sound that could only mean a good time. A can of Four Loko is nearly double the size of a Rockstar Vodka, contains double the alcohol and, estimating by my absurdly high heart rate, likely triple the caffeine content.
This powerful brew will leave you feeling invincible, excited, energetic and unstoppable. You will be graced with a much louder voice, dance moves you didn’t know you could perform and your week-long woes begin to drift further and further away.
In my opinion, if there is a drink to be drunk on a Friday or Saturday — or “Wasted Wednesday” (oh dear god) if you’re at Washington & Jefferson College in Pennsylvania — it should be a Four Loko.
Regrettably it seems as though the company that produces this delightful drink will be removing the caffeine, therein removing the potential for fun, due to intense pressure from the media and FDA. The life of this perfect party drink will be cut short very soon. Also, as amazing as it is, it can only be found state side, so I recommend rushing down to Happy Harry’s in North Dakota and stocking up, as I will be.
If you are lucky enough to do this I promise you many relaxing and stress free weekends.
Please do me a favour, don’t drink more than two; you’ll likely do unspeakable things . . . if you survive.