I recently went to Australia to volunteer and travel the beautiful countryside along with some friends in a program called International Student Volunteers. With certain ulterior motives that involved being swept off my feet by a younger Hugh Jackman, I began said quest. Instead of finding a man, I found something so much better. I found Eric.
Eric is a dugong. Most commonly and incorrectly classified as a manatee by most North Americans, the dugong is distinguished from the manatee by its dolphin-like tail and slimmer figure. Eric, my new dugong boyfriend, is simply divine and there is little that human men can do to compete with him.
In order to convince the rest of my female comrades, I have provided a few reasons why dugongs are better than human men.
- Dugongs always play hard to get.
Playing hard to get is sometimes seen as a negative thing in today’s society. However, when it comes to the dugong and playing the game, the reward far outweighs the demand for competitiveness. Therefore they are much more attractive because they are currently really hard to get as they are at a risk of extinction. There are few dugongs left in the world whereas there are 3.4 billion men. It’s no wonder I find my dugong boyfriend Eric more appealing than the average male.
- Dugongs know how it feels to be judged by appearance.
I have to say that when it comes to dugong appearance, I am slightly biased. Biases aside, they are not the prettiest mammals in the sea. Taking that into consideration, dugongs don’t judge based on appearance because they have been there. They also have really poor eyesight so they can’t really judge your looks very well. Instead they accept you for who you are, plain and simple.
- Dugongs are excellent listeners.
In this case, saying that they have excellent hearing is for sure an understatement. Dugongs can hear up to three times what the average human can. What more could a woman ask for right? Instead of complaining about the way I dress and fussing about how I didn’t put any make-up on today, Eric listens to me. Yes, he actually listens to the words that come out of my mouth. Instead of just flapping his yapper about how I should change, he takes the time to understand where I am coming from and what I want to say. I was shocked at first, but now I see how real relationships are formed. Because he listens to me and I to him, we actually know each other and these days that says something.
Dating a dugong may not be for everyone. Like all relationships there are roadblocks. For instance, distance could be a problem. Your closest potential dugong boyfriend, currently living in the wild, is on the east coast of Africa. Long distance can be tough for both human and dugong relationships. Other roadblocks to dating dugongs include language barriers and the fact that bestiality is wrong and in no way, shape or form acceptable.
Despite the minor restrictions and roadblocks to a potential relationship with a dugong, if you, as a female, have ever been disappointed with your current boyfriend, maybe it’s time to reconsider.
Does your current boyfriend ever listen to what you have to say? Is he always putting pressure on you to make him look good by putting more effort into what you look like, as one of my previous human boyfriends told me? Or maybe you simply enjoy chasing after someone who is playing hard to get because when you do get them, you appreciate them all the more. If any of the above descriptions fits with your life and lifestyle, I think it’s time you consider dating a dugong.
