Another major flu epidemic may well be underway. We all remember the disaster of SARS a few years ago, West-Nile virus has made many headlines in recent years and recently there was worry over Avian flu. A new disease shows up left, right and center nearly every year, including this one. The people are being told to not panic though — this new flu seems to be containable. A solution is underway to cut the virus out at the source, but not on their hard drives this time.

The virus has been traced back to three primary sources. It seems that when three ordinary small swine were attacked in a farmer’s field by an Avian flu-infected Mad cow in the West Nile area of Egypt, the cocktail of viruses mutated within the trio of petite porcine pets and became the new flu strain you read about in the papers today. Farmer John, who asked to remain anonymous, volunteered his livestock for testing after the outbreak. They tested positive. Unfortunately, the triplet of young walking-hams escaped the farm and ran rampant, thereby spreading the virus further. The virus seemed to have affected their brains and changed the tiny sow’s behavioural patterns. They began to build dens for themselves out of whatever they could find in the area.

Thanks to government funding, contributions from readers like you and a little imagination, we have managed to track down the three diminutive squealers. In order to prevent human casualties and contamination, a trained, though vicious, large wolfhound was sent in to subdue the first dwarfed curly-tail, who had made a den close to the farm out of spare hay it had found. It was a long walk, so we were huffing and puffing a bit. Just as our huge, terrible canine investigator was approaching, a breeze caught the undersized bacon-belly’s flimsy shanty, collapsing it. The infected livestock then took off into the forest.

It was easily found hiding with another of the infected hogs in a shelter of twigs and other implements of wood. This dwelling of lumber was also unstable and much the same thing as before happened when a twister tore through the area. The two tiny short-snouts ran off leading us to the final hiding spot of the trio, who had taken residence in one of the nearby pyramids, which we all know are made of shaped, stone blocks.

Every attempt to enter after them into the ancient stone-slab tombs met with hidden booby-traps, which had been reset successfully after all these years by pure coincidence. We sadly lost our dog to the ancient masonry death mechanisms. The building of earth-cubes was therefore sealed up, inaccessible to tourists and wannabe archaeologists everywhere. It is in all our hopes that the virus will die with the miniature boars, and that the virus is now contained. Despite the protests of locals, the infected culprits are to be kept inside for the sake of humanity, and will be retrieved and disposed of at a later time when the danger has passed. Regardless of the fact that the source of the illness is rid of at this time, the West Nile area is under watch. Who knows how many Avian flu-infected mad cows could be running around looking for a little pig to bite? We only have so many trained big, bad wolves.