Graduation. Isn’t it supposed to feel like a finish line? Like I have achieved a milestone? After years of assignments, deadlines, presentations and checking UMLearn more often than I would like to admit, reaching the end should feel like pure relief, right?
Well, in many ways, it does. But it comes with a pinch of sadness too.
To be honest, there is genuine relief in knowing that the paper I submitted really was the last one. There is no next semester waiting around the corner, no course registration or multiple 20-page term papers to think about. For the first time in years, the academic calendar no longer determines what the next few months of my life will look like. But somewhere between completing the degree and figuring out what comes next, I realized that relief and sadness can exist at the same time.
I miss campus.
Not necessarily the rushing to class or trying to finish something minutes before a deadline. I miss the familiarity of it all. I knew where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. There were familiar hallways, favourite spots in the library when I needed to focus, friendly faces and small conversations with people I might not have known particularly well but saw often enough they became part of my routine.
I miss that routine.
University gave my days structure. A semester began, I received a course outline and, for the most part, I knew what was expected of me until December or April. Even when university was stressful, there was comfort in knowing the routine.
Graduating disrupts that almost overnight.
One day, I was a student with deadlines, classes and a clear reason for being on campus. Then, once I had successfully defended my thesis, I was done with university. People congratulated me and asked the inevitable question, “So, what’s next?”
Well, that question has become much harder to answer.
For me, one of the most difficult parts of graduating has been coming to terms with not knowing what’s next. I like to know what my day looks like so I can plan accordingly, but when you don’t know what to expect next, it’s much harder to do so.
Another part of it is looking for full-time employment. Job searching creates a strange routine of its own — reading postings, adjusting applications, sending them out and waiting. There is excitement when something promising appears, disappointment when it does not work out and a lot of uncertainty in between.
And then there is the constant questioning.
Is this the kind of job I should be applying for? Does it fit what I studied? Should I be looking in another direction? Am I making good use of my degree? What if I choose something and realize six months later it is not right for me?
University trains us to work toward the next milestone — finish the course, complete the degree, graduate. But after graduation, the milestones become much less obvious.
I think that is what I was least prepared for.
There is an expectation that graduating means finally knowing what you are doing. You have earned the degree, so surely you have also figured out your career and the rest of your adult life. In reality, completing the degree just opens an entirely new chapter with a set of completely new questions.
At the same time, I do not want to romanticize being a student. There were plenty of days when I wanted nothing more than to be done with it. I think most of us do. I remember the stress, the exhaustion and the feeling that there was always something else I should be working on.
Still, now that it is over, I understand that I was not only working toward a degree. I was also building a life around campus without realizing how much I would miss it when it ended.
Maybe graduation blues come partly from that contradiction. You can be proud to reach the finish line and still grieve what you are leaving behind. You can be ready for something new while feeling uncertain about what that new thing should be.
I am trying to become more comfortable with not having the answer immediately.
Graduation closes a familiar chapter, but it does not hand us a detailed plan for the next one. And that has its own perks too. We get to choose where we go from here and what we want our next journey to look like. That freedom is scary, but also liberating. Right now, I am somewhere between feeling relieved that I am done with university for now and missing the life that came with it.
However, above all, I am truly grateful for the time I have in between. I am trying my best to enjoy it while it lasts, before the next hurdle begins.
