It seems to me that in the few years following puberty people have a natural inclination to rebel against authority figures. They tend to do this by partaking in the activities most heavily advocated against by their parents and teachers; for example, back in high school, many of my friends’ parents would constantly bombard them with propaganda-like anti-drug sentiments and impose strict consequences if their kid was caught with so much as a pipe or a baggie.
Many kids with this type of parent would sneak out under false pretenses almost every night so they could get high. In fact, my friends who had these parents often seemed to enjoy getting high even more than the ones with reasonable, respectful parents. It wasn’t even about getting high. They got such a kick out of doing something that was contrary to their parents’ wishes. It was a way to prove to themselves that they were their own people.
Now, I’m sure the “scaring your kids out of doing things you see as wrong” technique works for some people — a 100 per cent failure rate is highly unlikely. However, why anyone employs it in the first place is beyond me.
Some people just don’t seem to realize that teenagers have fully developed bullshit detectors — they can tell when you’re exaggerating the dangers of substance use. They can use their cell phones to fact-check your information faster than you can make it up. Throwing frightening facts at kids in hopes they’ll be scared away from having sex, smoking pot or any other non-condoned activity is insulting to their intelligence. Once a teenager realizes smoking a joint every now and then won’t turn him into a crack addicted drop-out — as you had him believing up until that moment — everything you’ve ever told him about life is called into question.
Teachers are just as bad for this. Once in Grade 10 health class we were lectured about the dangers of smoking. The teacher said something along the lines of: “All health risks aside, smoking is dangerous because people who smoke cigarettes are more likely to try/get hooked on hard drugs.” Now, assuming for a moment this statistic is true, is the statement reasonable? No. Which of the following two scenarios is more likely: (1) That smoking cigarettes erodes your judgment to the point where you think shooting up every other weekend seems like a good idea, or (2) That people who do hard drugs also tend to smoke, thereby correlating the two activities. The teacher apparently picked number one.
The “scare your kids approach” also tends to give kids a message contrary to the one intended. Statements like: “Drugs are bad” and “Sooner or later, someone around you is going to offer you pot, and you might be tempted to do it just to fit in or to be cool, but it’s not worth it” and “Remember: Just say ‘no’” are the opposite of what to tell kids.
Generally speaking, teen and pre-teen kids want nothing more than to be cool and to fit in. Kids that age will do anything to be like everyone else. Sticking out like a sore thumb is the worst fear of many teens.
The point I’m trying to make is that care must be taken when talking to kids about things such as drug use. The right intentions and wrong approach can lead to a confused message and a deteriorated parent-child relationship. Now, remember that when you’re 30.
