Disability is something many of us see as happening to other people. We feel compassion of course, but we never understand in a deeper way what it means. We often can get caught up, understandably, in our day-to-day life, which leaves little time for reflection or appreciation for how lucky we are from moment to moment. It is only when either ourselves or someone close to us experiences a disability that the reality of our own fragility and the blessing that health brings can be clearly seen.
A few years ago, my uncle was diagnosed with a brain tumour. As we all can imagine, no matter how healthy the rest of your body may be, it doesn’t mean a thing if your brain is unhealthy. My family was forced to watch as my uncle slowly lost his independence and mobility.
It was painful to watch this happen to someone I loved. It was also a realization for me of how lucky I was for my health, and how much I took that for granted. It is easy to look at a person who has a disability and feel sorry for the difficulties they go through. What is not so easy is to become aware that each of us could one day suffer an illness or be involved in an accident that would reduce our independence and make us reliant on others.
As my uncle’s health worsened, one aspect of the situation that stood out especially was the sheer amount of effort and assistance of others that is required to care for someone. We take for granted the things we do every day, the simplest things. Getting out of bed, putting on our clothes unassisted, feeding ourselves — each of these things are gifts.
I often struggled with how to handle visits with my uncle. At times he was quite lucid and aware, other times he was not. There is a natural impulse to feel pity, and to see someone in a situation where they face a disability as a victim. This is something that is easy to do, but I think it can lead to forgetting the humanity and inner worth of a person. Just as with those who may be born with a disability, or those who are disabled during their lives, it is so important not to define anyone firstly by their disability. Though the difference may seem subtle, I had to remind myself that my uncle was not a “disabled person”; he was a person living with a disability.
In my uncle’s experience, I witnessed his courage and personal strength in the face of his growing disability. Though he had his moments of sadness and anger, he retained his kind and loving soul, and his sense of humour. It is difficult for any of us to know how we would handle a situation of this kind, facing down our own mortality and loss of control, but it is so often seen that when faced with disability, the true strength of the human spirit can be witnessed.
Each of us has a path to walk in life, for some that path will be difficult in physical ways, for others it will be difficult in emotional ways, and there are some who will face a path that is both physically and emotionally difficult. We cannot always choose the challenges or disabilities we will face, but we can choose how we respond to them, and I am grateful that my uncle was able to show me that this response can be courageous and strong.
