Going Deep with Jodie Layne

Open to openness, part two

To answer a question from a reader, in my last column I covered some of the mental and emotional preparation needed to enter into an open relationship with your partner. This reader’s real question, though, was how to let people she might be interested in know that she was in an open marriage, and how to communicate that the ring on her finger didn’t mean she was totally off the market.

The kind of sex and the kind of relationships people might have in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship depends greatly on the people involved and the boundaries set by the people in the relationship. It’s important to be realistic about what you are both able to handle and what is practical for actually finding other people to connect with physically and/or emotionally.

Remember: it’s still possible to cheat in an open relationship, so check in with your boo to make sure that you’re not violating any guidelines and/or trust. All that aside, here are some places you might want to start.

Poly Winnipeg: While it’s not necessarily advertised as a place to find people to hook up with, it’s probably a good idea to meet some members of the poly community in Winnipeg anyways! They can help you figure this new thing out while also “outing” you as poly. In a city as small as Winnipeg, having a few folks who remember your face and the fact that you like to sleep with people who aren’t your partner can’t be a bad thing for your sex life.

Bathhouses: If you’re just looking for sex and not interested in going on dates, Aquarius bathhouse is now co-ed! If you want to make sure that people know you’re there to hook up and want to find people who don’t really care if you’re married or not, this can be an option. The cost to get in ($30 for a single room for two) can be a barrier for some; others might not feel comfortable in this environment, but it exists for those who do.

Online: This seems like one of the more obvious options, but that’s because it’s a good one. You can specify your arrangement and what you’re looking for, instead of spending the whole night flirting with someone only to find out they’re not DTF with a married person in an open relationship. This can also help you weed out any folks who seem creepy or harmful. Whether it’s through a dating site, hookup site or app, FetLife, or Craigslist/Backpage, there are plenty of ways for you to explore possibilities no matter what you’re looking for. This is how a majority of people seem to be finding partners right now.

In real damn life: You and your partner are going to need to work out how you feel about the ring. Again, it depends if you’re into one-night stands or are open to more, and what the boundaries of your relationship are in terms of how much you share with a potential new partner. Telling a few trusted and nonjudgmental friends can help get the word out in a discreet way and can sort of be like a bat signal, attracting interested potential partners.

No matter which way you choose to go, remember to always keep yourself safe! By letting someone know where you’re going and who you’re going with, and engaging in safer sex practices, you’ll help ensure you’ll be alive for many years of hot sex to cum.