“I can’t imagine how hard this experience must be for you, and I want you to know that our family and our love and our support goes out to you as well.”
Robbie Parker spoke these words in a news conference following the tragic events that occurred in Newtown, Connecticut on Dec.14th, 2012.
Parker is the father of Emilie Parker, one of the students who lost their lives in the tragedy.
Parker’s comments were directed not only towards the families of the children who were lost, but towards the family of Adam Lanza, the individual who committed that terrible act.
After hearing about the shooting, I recall feeling a profound sense of sadness, not only for the families who lost their loved ones, but also at the very idea of living in a world where such a horrific act could happen.
Even in the darkest of circumstances however, here are moments – like Robbie Parker’s press conference – that show all of us the aspect of humanity that is capable of love, and grace, and kindness.
Think of how angry we get over irrelevant things: a minor insult or something not going perfectly our way. We often get irrationally angry about these things, letting them consume our thoughts and darken our moods.
Yet there was Robbie Parker, a man who had lost his daughter, and had every reason to be enraged, hateful and vengeful, who somehow found the strength within himself to honour his daughter’s life. As he said:
“My daughter Emilie would be one of the first ones to be standing up and giving her love and support to all of those victims, because that is the type of person she is.”
By describing his daughter so poignantly he ensured that her legacy will live on, in his heart and the hearts of others.
I want to be clear that I am not telling people how to react to loss. I have no more right to do that than anyone else. Grief and loss is deeply personal and it affects every person differently. I write this because I feel it is important to remember that for all the terrible acts people are capable of, we are also capable of beautiful things.
The news is often filled with violence, and death, and suffering. And while it is important to acknowledge tragic events, this means that acts of kindness and compassion end up happening behind the scenes, quietly and without much attention. This makes it all the more easy to succumb to cynicism and despair that the world is a bad place and that it’s too difficult to change anything.
But the example of Robbie Parker can inspire all of us. If he can find the strength within himself to think of the pain and suffering of others, even in the midst of his own tremendous loss and grief, then we can choose that path as well. We can find that deeper and wiser part of ourselves that transcends even the most tragic events.
We don’t know what the future holds for us. We don’t know what suffering we will go through or what pain we will face. And we must acknowledge that we live in a world where tragic and terrible events occur.
What we do know is that in the time that we have we can choose to do our best to make the world a better place, to reach out to others, and to turn our experiences, both positive and negative into—in the words of Robbie Parker—“something that inspires us to be better, to be more compassionate and more humble people.”
