I saw Tron: Legacy for two reasons: the special effects and the music. It did not disappoint, but left me wanting more. Namely, marriage to Daft Punk.

The soundtrack was impressive. In the setting of the movie, dialogue was ultimately superfluous. The music told me everything I needed to know: when to worry, when to hope, when the game had changed. The experience was like watching a laser show at the planetarium, except with inconsequential human actors getting in the way of Daft Punk’s cameo being longer.

Being married to the duo will make me a bigamist, but I’m pretty sure I’m okay with that under these circumstances. But, oh, will the neighbours talk? Not when we invite them to the raves we’ll host in the dining room in lieu of some stuffy dinner parties. Emily Post probably has some good tips on how to throw a proper rave in her etiquette book — remind me to check later.

A word of warning, boys: I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen your faces, despite them probably being a short Google search away. But that’s okay — I like the mystery. The helmets will be enough for me. You — with the horizontal visor! Thomas? Is that your name? Anyway, we’re out of milk. Please pick some up on your way home from the club. And you! Guy-Manuel! Come here so I can gaze into your eyes and check my make-up in the reflection.

I have no doubts this marriage will be fulfilling for everyone involved. It will be dramatic, and brightly lit, and we’ll remodel the living room so that we can recreate the “Around the World” music video. I’ll go get my bathing suit.
Oh, we’ll be so happy together, darlings!

On second thought, the bathing suit can wait. Fetch me my 3d glasses! Let’s go to the movies; I want to fall in love with you all over again.