Coping with death, reflecting on life
Melissa Hiebert, Staff
Despite the beliefs a person has about what happens to someone after they die, the loss of a friend or loved one is clearly a tragic event. Although the cycle of life and death is natural, the latter is always hard to cope with. Everyone has to deal with death at some point in their life, and the following are a few general suggestions to make coping easier. Although these suggestions work for many people, it is important to find a way to deal with loss that works for you.
One important thing to remember when dealing with death is that no one expects you to be okay right away. Make sure that you take sufficient time to grieve, and although you should eventually get back to your life and the things that you enjoy doing, it is important to let out your emotions rather than suppressing them. If you need to take time away from things for a while, people will understand and will be there to lend you an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Although it can be difficult, taking care of yourself is important while you are grieving. You might not feel like eating or sleeping, but in order for you to be strong enough to cope with the pain of loss, your body has to remain healthy and your mind has to be well rested. Some people might want to turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with the pain, but this will obviously only cause more pain in the long run. Temporarily forgetting might seem like a good idea at the time, but will be significantly detrimental later.
Spending time with friends and family will help to ease some of the pain of your loss. Talking and sharing fond memories will help you to remember all of the good times you shared. Remember your loved one in a way that works for you, whether it is by looking at photographs, painting a picture, writing a song, planting a tree or otherwise. Reflecting on your loved one and all the good times you had will help you get through the hard times.
Using death as a means for reflecting on your own life can assist personal growth. Take a step back for a moment and assess what is important to you in life, and whether or not you are heading where you want to go. Take time out to surround yourself with the things that you value. This will work not only to help you see the beauty in the world (which in turn helps you deal with the pain), but also to help you grow personally. If you are religious, you can take some time to reaffirm your faith. If you are not, then perhaps you can meditate or write and get in touch with yourself spiritually.
Simply being good to others can help you get through a tough time. Seeing other people smile and knowing that you put that smile there can make you feel worlds better. Perhaps volunteering for a relevant service, such as the Canadian Cancer Society or the Heart and Stroke Foundation, will help you to feel better. Not only will you be giving back to the community, but you will also be helping others prevent what you have been through.
An increasingly common trend among people with terminal illnesses is to hold a living funeral. This is where family and friends get together with the person and say all of the things that they would have said at their funeral. This way the person is still alive to hear them. This not only helps the patient cope with their situation, but also helps everyone else. If nothing is left unsaid, then no one will walk away from the funeral wishing that they had told the person how they felt while they were still alive.
Another thing that can be done is to hold a birthday party on the birthday of the person who has passed away. This is a good way for all of the people who were close to the person to get together to remember and celebrate them.
One of the most important things to remember is that your loved one would have wanted you to be happy. So the best thing you can do to honour them is to live a life that truly does make you happy. Death is hard, but it is important to embrace the sadness to turn it into something more positive. Just as it is important to grieve after someone dies, it is also possible to turn their death into a celebration of their life.
