Dirty words
Getting down to the bottom of it
Shawna Sweeney, Volunteer staff
Over the years, I have heard dozens and dozens of euphemisms for sexual acts. And every time I laugh. Sex itself is pretty funny, but sexual words are even funnier. After each new phrase I think, “Who comes up with this stuff?” and “Why would I want to ride a donkey?”
With all of this confusing slang floating around, it’s important to get back to the basics — meat and potato classics like sex, masturbation, pornography and orgasms. It seems simple enough. Sex is what you want to have, masturbation is what you do when you aren’t getting any, pornography is what you check out to get the old juices flowing and orgasm is (hopefully) the end result.
But to understand the history behind the thing, you have to go a bit deeper and stare into the darkest depths of etymological debauchery. The following definitions will provide the basic terminology necessary to become a sexpert on erotic word origins. Armed with these few words, you can impress friends or potential mates with your extensive knowledge of sexual vocabulary.
Libido. From the Latin libido (desire, lust). Desire and lust are what drive you to this harrowing sexual path in the first place. It can be very hard at times when you are hungry like a wolf with no restaurants in sight.
Pornography. From the Greek pornographos (one writing of prostitutes). The earliest pornographers hung around ancient Greece “observing” prostitutes and recreating them in words and art, but nowadays pornography has expanded to include all forms of sexual media. It still holds some shock value, too. Especially when animals are involved. Or boobs.
Masturbation. From the Latin manus (hand), stuprare (to defile) and turbare (to stir up). You can definitely stir up some serious business with one hand, but it’s a bummer shaving your palms every day. That defiling stuff, though? That’s a myth.
Fellatio. From the Latin fellatus (to suck). I guess things haven’t changed much since back in the day. But hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Cunnilingus. From the Latin cunnus (vulva) and lingere (to lick). One good lick deserves another. Reciprocation leads to good karma and happy couples.
Condom. From the Latin condere (to put away). When you are getting ready to have the sex, make sure to put your salami away in a sealed latex bag. Buckle up for safety. Otherwise you might not get to put it anywhere.
Sex. From the Latin sexus (to cut). I am not sure what that’s all about because the one time I heard the word “cut” during sex I bailed immediately. But all BDSM aside, it was originally used to denote gender. Now it’s just another word for scrumping.
Orgasm. From the Greek orgasmos (excitement, swelling). This is an excellent description of a textbook orgasm, but it does not always apply. There are plenty of “Desperately Seeking Orgasm” stories that do not involve excitement or swelling of any kind. That’s more of a Latin problem, though. Coitus interruptus.
